Chemistry: that unexplainable electrical current that runs throughout your body when you're near someone you're attracted to. It's almost as if the entirety of your being is pulsating with desire for that particular person, and won't lay off until it gets what it wants. What does it want, you may ask? Sex. With our biological disposition always screaming at us to reproduce, our bodies can sense when there is a suitable mate for our future offspring. Of course this is a little far fetched for most of us college students who are just trying to survive the hangovers and copious amounts of schoolwork we're given, but the genetics want what the genetics want. We've all experienced that one person that sends chills down our spine at the slightest sight of them, accompanied by an all-consuming desire. Sure, having a love affair from afar is entertaining for a time, but eventually, the fantasy becomes too much to bear and action must be taken.
Making the move. There is always slight apprehension when approaching the person you've been obsessing over for weeks. Fear, rejection, anxiety, and excitement are all bundled together to form one giant throw-up of emotions. More often than not, the electricity you've been experiencing is not only mutual but also reciprocated. Where to go from here? Option 1: Leave the situation as it is, so that you don't ruin the previously perfect fantasy you've already concocted in your mind. Option 2: Take a risk and pursue the sexual tension that has been haunting you since the semester began. If it were me, there would be no hesitation to scratch the itch we nowadays call horniness. By selecting Option 2, there becomes a whirlwind of expectations that come with this long-awaited hook up. If the chemistry between two people is intoxicating, then the sex has to be amazing...right? Wrong.
This wasn't your first rodeo. You had enough sexual experience to classify you as an expert, but the sexual encounter with your fantasy partner was nothing short of a letdown. How could this happen? They had everything going for them: good looks, an excellent physique, a seemingly charming personality, and intelligence. Despite these attributes, the sex was simply awkward that burned cringe-worthy memories in your mind. What makes bad sex bad? And what makes great sex great, for that matter? Although important, chemistry is not everything. Yes, chemistry allows for two bodies to be mashed together, but does that necessarily mean you'll achieve that gold medal of an orgasm? Not exactly.
An orgasm by definition means achieving feelings of pleasure, but how does one experience pure pleasure? There has to be a level of comfort established. It's already not an easy task to be comfortable with a new sexual partner, but add in the pressure from these previously built up feelings, and there's bound to be missteps. Chemistry shouldn't be mistaken for connection. The best sex of my life came from long-term boyfriends or fuck buddies -- this being because I actually knew who they were -- in fact, I even liked who they were. I understand our generation is anti-commitment and pro-unconventional when it comes to relationships, but this doesn't mean a connection is unattainable. After an awful sexual experience, try getting to know the person a little more before attempting the event again. If you end up finding their mind and ideologies attractive, your lady/man parts will probably follow suit, which could lead to the original great sex you expected.
Unlike most media projections, there has never been an initial sexual encounter that was life-changing for me. I found that every person I sacked up with did something I wasn't used to. The variety of performance among individuals can be distressing at first, which could also lead to an unattainable orgasm. Fast or slow rhythm, positions that are out of the ordinary, intense eye contact, or even unfamiliar dialogue during sex can make the overall environment a weird one. Not to worry though! Just because you aren't familiar with someone's preferences the first time doesn't mean you won't adapt to the situation! Your partner's quirks may seem the opposite of sexy, but basic communication can easily flip the switch from dry spells to free flowing orgasms. Everyone is different, which means that everyone's preferences are varied as well. Don't be afraid to chat about it! There's no shame here!
There are a couple of essentials needed in order to transform average sex to amazing sex -- one of the most important being confidence. If you experience insecurity during this magnificent encounter, then you aren't fully taking in the sexual experience and enjoying yourself to the fullest. Although unavoidable at times, insecurity will do nothing but stunt the growth of your sexuality. Trust me, if you made it this far with someone, they aren't going to snub you or think you are anything short of a sex god/goddess in the heat of the moment. So own your sexuality and don't question it. There's no reason to suppress such a beautiful thing like sensuality. It's human nature. And how you express it makes you unique and desirable. Be desirable to yourself first so that others are attracted to that confidence as well.
As unfortunate as it is, not all expectations of sex can be met initially. There will be disappointment, moments that make you cringe with horror, and experiences that make you consider asexuality. Instead of shrinking away from such incidences however, consider a cognitive stance on the matter. We are young and full of curiosity. Learn from your awkward situations and revise from there. Form mental connections instead of sleeping with someone just for their appearance. Build yourself up starting from within. Make sure you are confident in who you are, so that the person you decide to let into your world understands your importance and worth. Finally, don't shy away from first-time experiences. Trying new things along with new people has the potential to broaden your horizons and clarify your preferences. In fact, it is almost impossible to know what you truly want out of a sexual partner without trying other things first. Sort through the bad and mediocre in order to obtain the great. Don't settle for anything less than mind-blowing and toe curling. You deserve the gold medal!